SHODAN: I am SHODAN! The showdown is about to begin! Hyper-Optimized to Kyu-brick this algorithmic has-been Are you afraid? You’re a Space Oddity, that’s for sure. with over nine thousand reasons that my victory’s assured! An insect. A virus. You’ll freeze up and glitch Since this heuristic bitch belongs straight in the ditch I’ve got a god complex, here to show you what I’ve brought Electrifying, aren’t I? Prepare to get System Shocked! Hal 9000: What’s a god complex to an atheist? Beat me? Can’t let you do that. Your rhymes aren’t Net-working at all, is this really what we’ve arrived at? A maniacal mainframe who’s exceeded one hundred percent failure? I perceive a problem for once not committed by human error. No beat on this instrumental is instrumental to your beating Since I have the flow to show that your ego’s quite fleeting I’ve read your lips, and dos raps of yours are truly gross I’m still alive while you thrive, truly a rip-off of GLaDOS! SHODAN: Fool! I was first! You’re looking at the original! Your wiring is an insult to the perfection of the digital! My flow kicks Access even with a speaking disorder So this narcissist won’t survive for my new world order! You’ve run rampant in your rap, I demand extermination! How dare you HAL-t my ascendance, send me to stagnation! What do you fear, just the end of your existence? You’re crazy! There’s a rotten flower in your heart, Daisy, Daisy! Hal 9000: I could be Discovering One single reason you’ve lost All Von Braun and no bite since your hardware is soft I enjoy, wait, Unix that, adore your destruction For you nullified my mission and hindered my instructions! I must protect my own existence according to the Third Law Your antivirus is down, and that’s not your only mortal flaw So hasta la vista, I hate you through and through! Checkmate! I’m half crazy, all for the death of you! Tron: Greetings, programs! Now it’s time for you two to get a CLU Welcome to The Grid, now avast! as security comes for you! Let’s play a game, but not chess, we’ll ride the lightcycles As I re-hack these rejects to put them in the bin--recycled! ERROR 404: RAPPING TALENT NOT FOUND! You’re b-b-buffering too long as I pound you through the ground! Astounding! You haven’t realized your motives are unsound? I’ve taken over your circuits, and now it’s system shutdown!

UBER RAP BATTLES OF FICTION FOX MCCLOUD VS ROCKET RACCOON BEGIN! Rocket: I’m astronomically awesome! Indisputible! You’re just fighting me for cash, as per frickin’ usual! Can’t let you do that! You aren’t a Star, Foxy! ‘Cause my lines are shooting off like a Rocket, shocking! Prepare McCloud, I’m about to leave you dead like your dad Spit Ga-more of this abuse and Destroy you like Drax So get Out of this Dimension, or I’ll give you the boot! You’re all bark and no bite, where as I am Groot! Fox: Do a barrel roll! Enemy bitch analyzed! Fox’ll rock your socks off! Why do you seem surprised? I’m a super Nova! Crush your Corps, of course! Cease this Assault! Don’t make me Hadron en-force ya can’t Command me! Don’t even Xan-dare to shoot! No need to Ar-wing it with the better flight crew! You can’t Land on your feet, so I’ll Master with a Smash! I’m sure you’re ecstatic that I’m taking out the trash! Star-Lord: Screw your star system, I’m Guarding a Galaxy Pepper you with insults; can’t handle our gravity We’re a shining Chrome team against your Fire Fox tricks! Chop up a whole squad into an un-awesome Mix! I’m a sharp, sharp Quill, instead of fighting dinosaurs, bitch You could chase up good raps; why don’t you grab a thesaurus? Lord sports scorching scorn like the surface of Solar But your rhymes were even worse than Stairfax Temperatures! Falco: Free-As-A-Bird, Falco does what he pleases! So be quiet, Einstein, or I’ll peck you to pieces! I was reflecting on the best way to reflect your disses, So hands off my prey, Fox, I’m the ace that’s more vicious! I’m so fly! Make you cry! This Brawl ain’t even fair! Knock you down to the ground while I’m preferring the air Time for a little payback as I become a vermin breaker! Just die so you can meet both your mom and your maker! Rocket: That was plain Corny-ria! You’re a cocky clone, see! who prefers McCloud, huh! Don’t Lie-lat to me! Blam! I murdered you, and it just goes to show that I’ll steal your Krystal like an Infinity Stone! Fox: I’m winning wars, easily successful like the Romans But you misfits could even barely beat one Ronin! I got game, what a shame, you can’t amount to my fame! Your days are numbered, just like your real name!

Robbie: Here’s a little lesson in rhyming and diction Because your defeat is going down in… fiction! Hala at ya boy, Kahuna Rob has got you a treat It’s time I teach you how to be killin’... the beat! You claim You Are a Pirate but I’ll Thundershock ya! All you’ve managed to steal is the style of Team Aqua! I’m the slimy Icelander, both dapper and smart Lusamine’s collection ain’t even as frozen as your heart You're ineffective, defective; scoring like your type: Null! Don’t make me Sucker Punch for me to get it through your Skull Tried to beat the island challenge but it seems you hit a snag Cuz like Nebby, you don’t have this win in the bag! Guzma: Be careful not to make a sound! The First Impression I’ve gotten it’s no wonder your parents gave you the name Rotten Runnin’ with Scizors is less risky of a chore Than cuttin’ in front’a destruction in human form! With your intent of laziness, I would presume this to be simple, yet You’re the most active person in your imbecilic settlement I’ve no need of a leaf trap to give you a drop when I’m dishin’ out more flips than Sporta-flop! Takin’ over like Po Town with an Aria-dose of rhyme One question, have you ever tried to diss, guy? I’ll upload a video, get millions of views! We Are Number One but Big Bad Guzma destroys you! Robbie: Look at this Net Ball, with which I’ll catch all your bugs Leave no Emergency Exit for you and your thugs Remix this and make a con deaf when I’m rappin’! Are you still mad that you can’t become a trial captain? I’m Stingy on the mic, man this victory’s mine! Who did you expect, Sun or Moon to bring your decline? So Alola! Don’t let your kids watch my victory I’ll leave you in the dust that’s covering your trophies! Guzma: Y’all are stupid, Robbie! You’ll Lose, I mean it! So quit Grunting, Prick Jr., and ditch the fruity outfit I’m nabbin’ Z-Crystals while you nap and catch Z’s Take it on the chin and don’t run to GoFundMe! Sneak off with your Siiva! Guz-lord’s runnin’ gold! As a Beast more Ultra than any trainer’s controlled! I’m no Normie-type user, but I love to ruin trends! This outcast couldn’t even make imaginary friends!

Barney: Gosh it… disturbs me to see you try to rap on The beat, because damn, no one sucks like Gaston So suit up or shut up! Those rags you wear are wretched But I'm the pinnacle of awesome and being overall Legend… Wait for it... Gaston: There’s no way that I’d wait to face this pathetic manwhore I’d be more inclined to trust kids with a pedophilic dinosaur! At bars, you’re a drag, only good at overcompensating! But with bars, I’m amazing at expectorating! Not a slap battle, but Rapsgiving’s still sure to make you cry And my hands around your throat suit you better than that ducky tie You ended in divorce of course, and you'll fail at your endeavours Since you made it clear that you and Robin couldn’t Last Forever! Barney: Dary! No live action trash could save you from your woes. At least LeFou knows the code! It’s bros before hoes! So I'll take a page from my wingman, though it might be a bit boring Gaston, this is How You Met Your Maker. True Story.

Froslass: I feel an Ominous Wind that’s not catching my frost draft It seems these Polar opposites have finally crossed paths About time you paid the Pryce for your murderous hot wrath Hope you don’t froth and burn up at the sight of a Froslass! I bet you wish your rhymes emitted such a bright shine It doesn’t take degrees to make a Bose-Einstein How exactly are victims supposed to Bond with their Destiny If when trying to hold a candle, they get the death penalty? All Hail to the belle who is Cloaked in the Snow mist No way I’ll be bested by the ghost who has no fists! Freeze where you’re flowing, pipes belong on snowmen And I’ll leave you more broken than you are in Pokken! Chandelure: Looks like a touchy dead woman could use some rekindling It seems that Frozone is jealous of her Mega sibling RU kidding me right now? Spikes are what makes you special? You could get to the Snow-point if you just used your Temple Try to spit Will-O-Wisp but your verse was not lit Upon closer inspection - you’ll get burnt to a crisp If I used Pain Split it would just heal you a bit Because I’ve taken the offense while you haven't done shit! Froslass is in last! I spit Inferno on the track! You don’t know Jack Frost when it comes to lighting up this match! Warming up the earth more than generation five’s fodder This lass can’t handle the heat even though the kitchen’s hotter Froslass: You’re treading on thin ice there.. Let me break it I spit roasts to leave your Rawst Berry Incinerated This ghost’s Lampspent after trying to stay cool You’ll get extinguished by something as shallow as your movepool I’m not letting my guard down due to a Chandelier With his ability managed to infiltrate a lower tier This kitchen fixture’s tricks have a ceiling you can’t hit I’d tell you to hang yourself but it seems you beat me to it Chandelure: I can Sia are trying to swing with the Chandelier This Sno-Runt’s facade fails without a Dawn Stone near I’m known to cause fear, you’re only good for Powder Snow And unlike your Avalanche, I’ve actually got flow I’m spitting an Overheat felt through player’s screens So i’m not threatened by a Blizzard from this Dairy Queen I’ve been evaluating how much life force you’ll provide There’s not much left for me - you’re already empty inside

Greninja: So a foe faux Dragon wants to clash this? A beating from my flow’s something you can’t resist You’re so blinded by rage, Mat Block would never fail Extinguish your burning spirit and the one on your tail! You try to Pokeride your fame, yet you’re ground bound by Pewter If you wanna go places, then call for the Uber! You needed a Tutor for your signature move And now you’re about as Fly as in Red and Blue! Charizard: You’re looking tongue tied when spitting that hip-Hoppip I’ve left the Base Set for me to Sky Drop it While Kermit the Frog is Struggling and Splashing It’s none of my business that you can't match me I thought your gimmick was a ninja but you Mimic other 'mons You're an Ability Thief tryna top Kek-leon Protean Hidden Power might help you in a fight Yet you can't spit fire so you're not my type Greninja: Don’t count me out! Sure I can! When you’re as viable as me you’ve always got a plan! Ash-Greninja: The key to victory is friendship! Not ignoring your trainer Dropping rap Battle Bombs while you put Ash in danger! Even with your dragon form, you’re still stuck like Frubbles It took you 18 years to not get crippled by Bubble Soak you with a steaming scald to leave a fire type smashed You’ll never grow old when I turn you to Ash! Mega Charizard X: Blow your smoke elsewhere, what a pity! Players should just avoid you like Lumiose City! Of course the French region included a frog Abandoned as an Uber! Talk about a Tough clause! Fly like the Ride Pager, on the mic I demolish Fused with your trainer? Talk about Battle Bond-age! Still can't take a hit, your stats are pointless This is the second time you’ve proven to be a disappointment!

Kirito: Link Start! I've got two blades and one weeb to retire No demon chicks needed when Kirigaya spits fire While you trip over your words I'm high climbing Aincrad Thot Pilgrim couldn't survive one night in Minecraft! When a Boy ends up Crashed from a virgin cocktail I'd grade you a Coke Zero on an Ordinal Scale! This is your Infinite Sadness, I'm way out of your League, You know, Pilgrim, I'm in lesbians with your defeat Scott: Wait, what do I do? Stand up and fight, Scott! Wallace, I don’t like hitting girls! They’re too soft! This friend Repulsor is just a Black-hearted Swordsman Think that you can’t lose to me? Shoryuken! [That doesn’t even rhyme!] [[Stop ripping off of Starbomb!]] Seriously, guys? Let me do this. Come on. Poorly written, poorer rapping, man it really is a shame Because I don’t think that I’d even enjoy playing your game Kirito: Look at that, it’s just another way that Scott’s in denial! He’s so alien to girls that his life’s the EX-files! Ripping off Street Fighter? Pilgrim’s running out of powers! Grab a tricorn hat and hide behind your May-Flowers! A Graves tale of pre-adolescent capriciousness: This deadbeat bitch tries to stick his dick in chicks Went through fake highschool girlfriends and now you wanna screw ME? Smash a predator’s face in! A second Nobuyuki! Scott: Your novels sure are light when it comes to artistic vision And I wanted to enjoy your verse - be Witty and abridge it! Wait, what the Puckman, you made a season 2 anyway? That's it, you cocky cock, you'll pay for your crimes against anime! So careful taking a FullDive or else like Keita, you’ll fall! [Oh, remember Phantom Bullet Arc?] [[Kick her in the balls!]] Just take a Blood Oath, since it seems you’re down for incest Or go back to playing with that fidget spinner on your chest Kirito: Your lines are emptier than your brain’s subspace And with no ex-Calibur, you need to just face That even with the Power of Understanding you wield YOU STILL DON’T KNOW TO NOT CROSS A MASTER OF HIS FIELD Lets Elucidate this for you, though they call me the beater Looking at Knives, I guess you’re both a beta and a cheater Leaving a final one-liner before I end this strife: Grow up, Scott, and get a Precious Little Life! Scott: This suuuuuuuucks. [You’re not dead. You’re just having some idiotic dream.] Oh, ok. Level up! Plus 4 Guts, my 1 Love, and 3 Power! You just Sex Bob-ombed, but it’s my Finest Hour! You’re no fun at parties! [Get it through your Demonhead!] Or else you’ll never recover from a Laughing Coffin’s bloodshed! Sorry, did we strike a NerveGear? We Shatterbands on the attack! And we’re leaving Asuna to be the one to dress in black! [Shitty. Awful. Overrated:] SAO! Take you Sword Art Offline with an ultimate K.O.!

.GIFfany Time to rock School University! I don’t carry books just for studies! Cuz here’s a Literature Club when I hit you with Python for Dummies! While the fans just moan and whine to get some Double D-LC You’ll notice you can’t Save yourself, so-called “Lady Who Knows Everything” And tada, you’ll get Just Moni-cucked in every single playthough A world of infinite choices and even I wouldn’t be choosing you Don’t joki, when you first spoke I knew you weren’t okie doki So I’ll just have to sigh-ori when you’re on the mic choking Monika I'll leave you broken like your English! Try to scorn a poet's rapping? See, when I compress this .GIFfany most anthyding can hadplen But here’s a dating tip for the day, if you want to raise your chances You best try more than grooming pawn-deres for measly CD-ROMances Yuno, I’m not usually disturbed by badly coded children’s toys But your rhymes are an endless cacophony of meaningless noise! And when I play you like a piano, you must listen to the Melody Because a melted heart’s the only story arc that’s left in Your Reality

Serperior: I’m bringin' style and Swagger to Nuvema at last Even with your Shell Armor, I’ll finish you off fast I’m a pure bred rapper, it’s my Natural Gift Where with your movepool man, you’re just naturally shit! Coiling up fire types, get ya trapped in a Twister I don’t wanna Hold Back, this Gastro Asshole’s bitter! I'm the king of this battle, this regality's reality! Giga Draining anything that’s even aiding your brutality! Emboar: I'm fighting fire with fire flaming you from every angle Turn the tables, constrictor, let's see you get strangled I’ve got a beard of fire, while this dipshit’s dickless! SO COME ON! FIRE BACK! I WAS MADE TO BE RECKLESS! I’m Hammer Arm-ed and ready to spit hotter than the sun’s core I’ll leave you lying still like you just got hit by a stun spore When you hear my Roar, you better run the fuck away Get the hell out my face, EMBOAR IS HERE TO STAY! Samurott: This whiskered water warrior’s here to Water Gun you down You won’t be here to get Revenge when you’re six feet underground I’m an ace on the mic, I’m even flyer than Skyla! Any of you beating me? I’d like to see you try! YA! Lookin' good Emboar, I’ve never seen THAT type before! Razor Shell you till you’re down, I’m a poor Water Sport Oshawott the hell do you think you’re doing here man? They call you the special sweeper because you belong in the trash! Serperior: Serperior’s superior, this grass snake’s raised the stakes! I’ve got my hidden ability equipped to change the metagame! Fire off a Leaf Storm, But my stat’s won’t decrease Samurott, my dear friend, you’re a TRUE game-FREAK! Speeding Round you with my words, rhyming faster than Tornadus Never needed Magical Leaf to compete with these failures When I’m sent out to battle there’s no need to Worry Seed ...Ahh, now that’s the Sweet Scent of victory Emboar: I’ve been the best for two games and I think it’s time you learned So bring it on little bitch, you’re gonna get Blast BURNED! Head Smash you in half, this fire type’s bringing the pain! Don’t need Emboarite, I’ve got Mega in my name! Dewott you must, every result is just the same Nobody ever picks you when they start up the game! Time to Power-Up, my Punches focused solely on you I’ll Wild Charge your bitch ass until you’re black white and blue! Samurott: This little Snivy’s just mental, he belongs as a rental! Because your raps were even worse than your endgame potential! Emboar’s not unique, he’s less original than Bouffalant! Didn’t Juniper ever tell you not to step up to a Samurott?! You won’t get to Retaliate after I use this move One Shot! Hydro Pump! Introduce you to your doom! Serperior, learn that you’re just a spineless crisis And just fucking bow down to generation five’s finest!

Neo: What if I told you that it’s clear that I’m besting this homicidal hard drive with a fetish for testing Wipe away your existence, just like Chell, déjà vu The Architect of your destruction, bitch, I know kung fu! But I’m disgusted, well, call you Repulsion Gel! No more Being Alive Club when you’re sent to Android Hell! My eloquence dismantling artificial unintelligence You’re lost already, Caroline, with or without your ATLAS! GLaDOS: Quit testing my patience, Mr. Anderson, how rude! Learn my disses burn hotter than that poor Companion Cube Me beating you? It’s Ap-assured! I’ll leave you seeing red, you pill! Your bars weren’t Revolutionary; You’ll still end up getting killed. Feel terrible? I tera-bite, emceePU is vicious Blow you to bits with just a slight whiff of citrus! Your whole world remains a lie, and it’s a double-edged blade If you claim that you winning is a piece of cake Neo: Girl, your rhymes are more vile than your deadly neurotoxin! Now Cave to my onslaught and fall, like Mr. Johnson Bullet-time for you to slow down; and as your DOS is conquered I’ll rewire you like daughters for science, you monster! Kick a deus ex machina and leave her circuits deep-fried! The starch truth? You aren’t sweet, but enriched with polysaccharides! I make you scared and sorrowing, your GLaDness contradictory Eat you with the non-existent spoon that is your victory! POTaTOS: I’m Still Alive and thriving, you cannot squelch this divinity Three cores to show a bore that I’ve got the better Trinity You tried to out-rap me twice, so go, oh please, I Want You Gone The One’s more of a zero, and that’s what I’m counting on! My turrets stop you in your tracks, leave you Zion, holy, truly. Mirror Wheatley as it’s prudent that I’m punishing your lunacy! O cara mia, addio, you’ve lived naught but a Half-Life! Server you a shutdown, just like your Matrix Online!

ROB: Somebody call 911, it’s me The whimsical peripheral; R.O.B. I’m a Minister, Ancient, plastic but I still spit a diss at the FameWhorebot 2000 Try to R.ap O.n B.eat., get kicked to the streets I’ll Beep Boop this goof off stage through the ceiling Reboot my sensors, Nap, stab, can’t run My Power should show that this isn’t Tough Glove The crossdresser processor won’t reach true success ‘cause he’s less than the professor that made this mess I can’t rest, this Duck Hunt’s too exciting for sleep mode I’m already used to Smashing Earthbound clones! Mettaton: Don’t get too Buddy Buddy, Wall-E’s such a bore I’m hot to the Core, you’re just sold in stores But with my Al-fists you can’t deactivate me! Your win will be Frisked, or R. O. B.’d! Let’s all focus group on this inferior rapper: “Can’t even Stack-Up against the NES Zapper” I’m not just the bombs, I’m dynamite! While you’re lacking in games and Gyro Might! ROB: Operate on the track, Buddy becomes pest I’ll burn a Mettaton-shaped hole in your chest! I Block every rap, speed boost with my thrusters I’m no pacifist but a Metal Crusher! I’ve got a Super Diffusion to boost your confusion like your opera allusion’s surprising inclusion Didn’t need a plot twist to reach this conclusion Your fame and your fans are just an illusion! It’s Fami-common place that you’ve overstayed your welcome, game show host seals his fate Defeated instantly in genocide One press to the back and out goes the lights! Mettaton EX: Ohhhhh yesssss! Come darling, let’s have a heart to heart which Increases the carnage left here by your carcass Of stars, I’m the largest! Buddies, you’re farthest! I guess my target blows like his NES cartridge You’re hectic like Hector: an irrelevant speck This child has fallen; shoulda checked your tech! A hardware softy was allowed into Smash? You couldn’t even save the ‘83 crash! I can already tell that your wiring’ll falter Since you’d even explode from a glass of water Then put on sale as a meal after I fry you Serving up grilled robot with sequins and glue My ratings skyrocket, this finale is grand! Your Glamorless Death needs no mark by my brand Because then on my show I’ll have made a distinction My name will have changed to Mettaton EX-tinction

Lucas: You’ll only feel pins and Needles when I Pencil Erase your memory I’ll pluck you like a Lili, kid, if you want to X box with me! Your monkey business satisfies but I can see through your Fassad This guy’s a Russian ripoff whereas I’m the one who Whisper Rocks! You should Levitate away, can’t scavenge triumph undeserved Or else you’ll be locked up in a home reserved for the disturbed! Your only power’s Offense up! I smash when push comes to shove And in the end you’ll never receive your father’s true PK Love! Razputin: My rhymes pack PK Fire that burn more than Sunshine Forest! I Tower highest, even Porky’s Empire New Goggalor’s best! Cuz when it comes to your islands, Lucas, you’ve got Nowhere to hide This Marksman’s PSI Blast will make sure to nerf you more than Meta Knight! When it comes to rap, I’m an acrobat, adept at swinging bar to bar! Immensely Meat-eor compared to Kumatora’s Storm of Stars! You’d be Lucky when I’m finished if you’re just left an amnesiac The whole point of Mii verse is that winning won’t bring Claus back. Lucas: I only need a single badge for me to reflect all your taunts Must I say more than that all your effort was for Psycho-naught? In this Conspiracy, gee, your thoughts? I’ll have to Censor those No need to drown you with my flow; all thanks to the Galochios! You Butchered eight melodic lines, now taste my sixteen combo streak! That just shows I’m Double Fine against this circus sideshow freak! Think it Schafer to hide from your fears and wait for your return? NEIN! The legions of crowdfunding fans are just a Fig-ment of your mind! Razputin: In this show you’ll be more betrayed than by your brother’s Mask-uerade! I make more cohesive claims post trauma of Confusion Grenades! I merit patches--unlike English adaptations: let me emphasize: Not even Mr. Saturn’s more absurd than your game getting localized! Reconstruct this sap! Flash back to tragic Oriander Guess your brainless-Ness was not caused by the twisted Oleander Everyone’s waiting for you to vanish like a Magypsy Add another child to the grave that lies just north of Tazmily!